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Music of the Thumb
Chris Remo- not content with just writing about Video Games, thinking about Video Games, and casting pods about Video Games- also sings about Video Games in a selection of songs made to accompany the Idle Thumbs Podcast appearing less and less frequently. #Wuxtry! (Let the Games Begin) - Love Theme from Idle Thumbs #The Fanboy's Lament #Ultra Boost #The Fable of Love #The Wizard #Stop (Doing Interviews) #Sincerely These Nuts #The Ballad of John Riccitiello #A Letter to Edge (demo version/first take) #You Gotta Use the Kid (To Kill That Old Snake) #Remember #Space Asshole Lyrics Wuxtry! (Let the Games Begin) - Love Theme from Idle Thumbs Idle Thumbs Games, video games, video games, video games Video games, video games, video games, video games Video games, video games, video games, video games Video games, video games, video games, video games Video games The Fanboy's Lament For years and years and years I played this series on my chosen console Now I cry tears and tears and tears Because the publisher couldn't manage self-control And a rival manufacturer walked up with money rolls Oh why didn't they conduct an online poll On the forum where I post Oh this hurts the most My friends and countrymen, lend me your ear I'm starting a petition This web-based effort is exactly what we need To bring our worthy cause some recognition Why don't they understand Our reasonable demands Of what importance is the fiscal take When integrity's at stake They don't care about the gamers No they're just a bunch of lamers Take this as a warning, I won't buy your games anymore I'll walk right past your boxes during my daily trips to the Gamestop store This aggression will not stand, no you've lost your biggest fan I've had enough of it, I've had enough of this platform-changing bullshit This bottom-line mentality This money-grubbing triviality If the worthless sons of bitches who own the other system can play this game then what's the point at all In warring for my console, if this is what it takes I'll take the fall Who's with me, I'm quitting games forever I'm leaving this pointless endeavour Of maintaining platform superiority All I ever wanted were games that are exclusive And publishers who don't let money hats make them abusive to their fans Who don't sell out to the man And now I've dried my tears And now I'm out of here I'm through Ultra Boost Ultra, Ultra, Ultra Boost Hardcore Game nourishment, yeah Extreme flavors Turn-based ranch Third-person pineapple German-style board game XBox Live arcade port churro Yeah Extreme That's right Video games J. Allard Wuxtry Game on Ultra, Ultra, Ultra Boost The Fable of Love Girl, I met you passing through Bowerstone Why can't we be alone Just you and me without these 23 other villagers standing around Don't they have other things to do When I'm farting in your face for Peter Molyneux Oh girl, our love is like a fable Even though it smells a bit like a horse's stable Because when I broke out in flatulent song I went on a little too long And I crapped my new sarong that my dog dug up with a condom But back to you and me And maybe us three There's a housewife back in Oakvale that turned bisexual My Russian dancing was quite effectual and I've acquired us a home By killing the family who lived there before I busted down the door and left myself in Yes I suppose that it's a sin But I'll just fart around the town until I'm once again renowned Oh girl, our love is like a fable Even though I seem unable to communicate with you But with my flexing, my caressing, with my farts, you will know what's in my heart With my farts, you will know with my flexing, my caressing, with my farts, you will know what's in my heart With my farts, you will know what's in my heart The Wizard I heard that war has changed But I always heard war never changes I heard that war has changed But in the end, it doesn't matter anyway Because this is the dawning of a brand new day Where it doesn't matter what you've heard 'Cause I'm the motherfucking wizard The Wizard, a formidable wielder of arcane magics. The Wizard engages his foes from afar, forgoing close combat in favor of powers far more arcane and inscrutable, including Spectral Blade, Improved Spectral Blade, and a magic missile so devastating you'll regret ever crossing paths with this rebellious foe. The Wizard. Wizard! The Wizard! The Wizard. Stop (Doing Interviews) Señor Superdouche, stop doing interviews And if I see one more Google Alert for Call of Duty 4 Because of an interview you did, I'll flip my lid Please Señor S. Douche, stop doing interviews Seriously man You're killing me (you're killing me) Interview about your own game, not ours (not ours) Call of Duty: World of War can stand on its own merits (on its own), leave ours out of it Like this gem of a quote from today's article on CVG (on the internet) In the previous Call of Duties, it might take three or four shots, from a From a bolt action rifle And what the fuck are you talking about? In previous Call of Duties, blah blah blah You didn't work on previous Call of Duties So don't talk as if you're, (just shut your face) As if you're down with how slash why things were designed the way they were (you don't know anything about my shit) And secondly, you're completely fucking wrong (oh snap) And to the press, please stop talking to this guy Talk to someone on the team Or your interviews will be full of lies, Señor Superdouche You're pulling shit out of your ass. Stop. Sincerely These Nuts WHAT THE FUCK JUST FACE IT ONE OF OUR FAVORITE GAMES HAS OFFICIALLY SOLD OUT, NOT IN STORES, BUT IN RATINGS. THIS IS THE WORST GAME I HAVE BOUGHT! WHAT'S REALLY FUCKED IS SOME OF US HAVE PAID UP TO 500 DOLLARS FOR A HIFIDEF GAME CONSOLE AND THEN GAME PRODUCERS ARE GOING TO PUT OUT A TWO-BIT OVERHYPED GAMES OUT AND CHARGE US 60 BUCKS A GAME! I COULD HAVE SAVED MYSELF 560 US DOLLARS BY DIGGING OUT MY SEGA GENIUS AND THE ORIGINAL MK HAS MORE REALISTIC GRAPHICS AND MAYBE unintelligible THE NEW ONE WHERE FUCKING WHO KICKS LIKE THAT CHEESY? PROBABLY THE PRODUCER. AND IN THAT CASE HE NEEDS TO GET HIS ASS KICKED. THE GAMEPLAY FEELS LIKE I'M PLAYING HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS AND ROCK EM SOCK EM ROBOTS. THE OLD FONT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME FONT ON THE ORIGINAL APPLE COMPUTER AND ALL THE DC CHARACTERS ARE JUST OLD MK CHARACTERS! FLASH IS KUNG LAO GREEN LANTERN IS THE BLINDFOLDED FOOL, BATMAN IS CYRAX, DEATHSTROKE IS unintelligible KABAL, SUPERMAN IS REPTILE. TO THE NEW CREATOR OF THIS BULLSHIT I THINK YOU SHOULD FIRE YOUR WHOLE STAFF. AND START BACK FROM THE TOP, GO BACK TO ATARI, NO WAIT BETTER YET STICK TO POGS YOU unintelligible CHEAP OUT CHEAP ASS BASTARD I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON AN ACTION FIGURE. SINCERELY, THESE NUTS. So there's that. The Ballad of John Riccitiello Over the last six fiscal quarters I tried to do my best as EA's CEO I told my team we've got to go for more original IP This many yearly sequels are not for me And the press, the online forums did rejoice at our new games We attracted fewer flames We've had Crysis, Dead Space, Mirror's Edge, and Rock Band, that's a fun one Spore and Valve's whole catalog, don't mention Hellgate London We signed up id, Epic Games, even Grasshopper's involved With all these great game studios, some day our past sins will be absolved But wait what's this I see, is that the latest NPD What's happened to our stock, it's falling like a rock, no Muwahahahaha!'' Hello? Muwahahahaha! ''Who's there ? Bobby Kotick? ''Yes it is I, the CEO of Blizzard Activision I pump out yearly series with superhuman precision Don't you see the error of your ways You thought new IP was what the gamers want to play No no that's wrong, they just want more of the same four brands to be explored That is the way, you see, to profitability Ha ha ha! ''That doesn't seem right I thought with our standing we could be a light For creativity and innovation while staying practical with Madden sequelization bringing yearly cash It seemed so good Developers, investors, the media and gamers A business model we all can get behind But after all this money spent and time Look at us now ''Hahahaha! Oh come now. John you know quite well how profit can be turned (I do?) Look into your past at methods you have spurned (You don't mean...) You've been too close, you got attached to the games you are too kind (I don't mind) To really get your money's worth, to take the longer view There's one thing that always works and that's to add a 2 ''A 2? ''2 3 4 Hey wait a minute, you're right, I've had it all wrong These new games aren't one-offs, they're... they're... Say it! Franchises! Go on... Yeah, franchises! I can see it now... There's Dead Space 2 and Rock Band 3 and Crysis PSP Hellgate London Conquest, how about Dead Space 3 Dead Space 3? I've outsourced 2 to Singapore! That's the spirit I'm gettin' it Yes Mirror's Edge we'll do a little bit differently We'll marry strong business with strong IP What does that even mean, John? I don't know, but it sounds fantastic Ahahaha, glad to have you back my friend Ahaha! Yeah! Hey what's this? Brutal Legend? But I canceled... This looks great! No, you can't do that See you, Bobby! And so John Riccitiello charted a fiscal course for Electronic Arts free of the influence of Activision But not even Pachter knows what the future holds So say The Wizard'' A Letter to Edge Look, we're not saying that we're right We're just saying that you're wrong With your quote unquote review of Killzone 2 Edge, you're desperate for attention Yet barely worth a mention Except to take attention with your desperate grab for hits You gave Killzone 2 a 7 I wanted an 11 on our site Our scale doesn't go that high but I had to try And who are you to say Killzone 2 is a good game It's not It's a perfect video game Oh it's a perfect video game Yes it's perfect You can't give Citizen Kane a 7 Everybody knows, just ask Roger Ebert He would tell you that's a disgrace Citizen Kane gets two thumbs up and therefore so does Killzone 2 The SDF said so But I would give it three thumbs up But I don't have three thumbs So you can lend me one And together three thumbs up for Killzone 2 Me and you giving Killzone 2 its due But that leaves one Idle thumb Who thought this game was a little bit dumb You Gotta Use the Kid (To Kill That Old Snake) Sometimes Sometimes you're playin' a video game Sometimes There's a snake in the way That old snake But you can't use the old man to kill that snake, no no That's a mistake You can't use the old man to kill the snake You gotta use the kid You gotta use the kid to kill that snake Use the kid You gotta select the kid character to kill the snake You gotta use the kid, use the kid You gotta use the kid Gotta use the kid to kill the snake Use the kid Gotta use the kid to get rid of that snake Remember Do you remember when making games was still fun Before the pessimism and the cynicism Before the fear How I wish those days were still here How I wish those days were still here Were still here Do you remember when games weren't just packaged goods When a packaged good meant a cloth map Before the annual franchise traps, before the greed Oh those times are just what we need Yes those times are just what we need What we need Do you remember when budgets weren't quite so large When indie and casual and core were on the same shelf at the store They were one and the same Oh how those times have changed Oh how those times have changed How they've changed Do you remember when making games was still fun Before the pessimism and the cynicism Before the fear How I wish those days were still here How I wish those days were still here Were still here Were still here Were still here Space Asshole In 2125 I was on a mining colony on Mars Just a quiet backwater facility among the stars And then one day I was minding my own business I was mining my own ore And there he was Space Asshole, in a truck flying off a ridge Space Asshole, smashing through a bridge And as he landed out came his hammer, smashed my boss right in the face Space Asshole, planting charges left and right Space Asshole, all he does is annihilate and fight I didn't sign up for this, I just wanted to get away somewhere remote Just a place where I could earn myself a day's pay without being smote But every time I think I'm safe Every time I think it's calm I am wrong Space Asshole, hammer swinging, buildings falling down Space Asshole, laying waste to this entire town All the rest are dead, Space Asshole has prevailed Only I am left alive to tell the tale Of Space Asshole, comes out of nowhere to destroy Space Asshole, wanton carnage is all he can enjoy The Space Asshole, in a truck flying off a ridge Space Asshole, smashing through a bridge Space Asshole The Space Asshole Space Asshole He's the Space Asshole Category:Intor Category:List of Idle Thumbs Songs Category:Intor Category:List of Idle Thumbs Songs